i jhust puked up my retainher.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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