I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
