turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
