I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
