So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
