watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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