i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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