you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
