a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
