We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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