I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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