i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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