I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
