Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
