So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
