i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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