Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
