So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
