hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
