What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
wow bdsm is so cute
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
