Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
