Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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