The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
