Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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