oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
