Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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