her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
