My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
