You can't motorboat a personality
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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