Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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