Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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