are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
