we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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