Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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