I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
