okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
