Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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