There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
