That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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