The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
