My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
