just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
