Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
