i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
