i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
