The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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