At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
