i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
