So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
