I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
